While we tend to use the words “habit,” “routine,” and “ritual,” interchangeably, there are subtle differences.  Understanding their definitions can help us build good habits, design good routines, and turn routines into rituals.  With all three words, the similarity is they are all regular, repeated actions.  A habit tends to manifest itself as an automatic urge to do something triggered by a cue.  In my dad’s case, it is the habit to drink a cup of warm water right after he gets out of bed because of the chill (trigger) he feels.  In contrast, a routine requires deliberate practice.  Exercise is definitely my dad’s intentional practice of routine because he knows at his age, exercise is his prescription.   He also knows that if he doesn’t, the alternative is medication.

The difference between a routine and a ritual is the attitude behind the action.  While routines can be actions that just need to be done, rituals are viewed more as mindful practices with a sense of purpose or a sense of spirituality.  Human beings need rituals to create a safe resting place for our most complicated feelings of joy and trauma so that we don’t have to haul those feelings around with us forever, weighing us down.  In my dad’s case, he pays tribute to God, to his ancestors and his parents, as a way to bring vital support to fulfill the spiritual part of his life, here on earth, and he does so with such a focused concentration that I am always so moved by it when standing by his side. 

 My ritual, on the other hand, is scrubbing the floor.  Yes, every morning, I mop the floor with my hands and knees.  It is a habit that I do without thinking, but also as a ritual.  As I go down on both knees, I feel as if I am surrendering to God.  It may sound silly to say that, but as I scrub and scrub, I give up my thoughts, my idea, my will. I feel so small, so humble, and in the process, it cleans my soul…. And I get a good workout because, by the time I am done, I am all sweaty.  I know many people read the bible in the morning as their ritual, I would argue if you can turn your exercise routine with mindfulness, concentration, and good intention, then it is a ritual.   

Of all three words– habit, routine, and ritual–the ritual requires the most energy and concentration.  But it is also the most rewarding act.  While my dad’s ritual is his daily prayer, mine is scrubbing the floor and also a gratitude journal.  So my dear friends, start building a good routine in your life as step one. If you can, turn that routine into a habit as step 2. Furthermore, make it a ceremonial ritual.   I believe you bring the right earnestness to your homemade ritual, God will provide the grace. And that is why we need God.

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1. The practice of mindfulness: Mindfulness is a state of being where one pays full attention to the moment to moment activity. The practice mindfulness is not limited to meditation; it can also be paying attention to moment -to moment activities such as setting the table, brushing teeth, or making the bed. I tend to find when I focus on the present moment, my worry goes away, and I live a more fulfilled life.
2. Ritual: Working in the mental health field, I understand the importance of routine and structure. I think having a routine not only works well with children and people dealing with a mental disability; for everyone else, having a routine gives us a sense of control and structure, which then helps reduce anxiety. For my family during the past few months, we have been taking an evening walk every day. My kids know that when the clock strikes six, it is time to put on the shoes to go out. After the walk, our body tends to be more relaxed, and it also helps to reduce anxiety. I have also requested my kids to make their beds and clean their rooms every morning. The reason I gave them is, “If you had a very bad day, but seeing a clean bed and a clean room would make you feel better.” A clean and organized house also feeds into a sense of control over our living environment and lives.
3. The power of positivity: One thing that helps to deal with stress in my own personal life is “positivity.”  I surround myself with positive people and minimize negative conversations with others. I also try to focus on positive emotions such as gratitude, humor, kindness, and humility. While my children may feel sad that they cannot go to school or see their friends, I try to remind them of the things they need to be grateful for such as shelter and food. Having had to deal with many challenges in life, I think we all have developed an appreciation for these positive emotions and understand how they uplift us while negative emotions such as hatred, resentment, self-blame spiral us down!
4. Taking Action: Recognizing the negative thought and try to reframe it into a positive has worked really well in me. But another thing has also helped is doing something about it. It is simply what my grandma would say ” Stop fretting; just deal with it!” If things are out of our control, rather than push the worry away, invite the “worry” for a conversation! One can do that by writing the worries down and pen down any necessary thoughts or actions. Writing down lists of “pros” and “cons” and possible solutions can be more productive and empowering, than simply worrying in the head and do nothing about it. Sometimes the worry has no perfect solution. But be able to accept it, have a plan for it, and move forward with it is better than always thinking about it.
5. Cleaning: There are two other things I like to do when I am worried. One is exercising and the other is, cleaning. I think there are enough articles written that talk about how physical activity helps boost one’s mood. But I personally have found cleaning the house or organizing my cabinets to be quite therapeutic. As I am cleaning, it works almost like cleansing my soul and calming my emotions. Sometimes, a light bulb might just come up and turn a mundane task into streams of inspiration! A word of caution though, if cleaning, is becoming an overwhelming task, set a smaller goal so that you feel more accomplished.

 I am not a mental health professional. But I do work with many highly trained professionals.  My colleagues have shared with their field of expertise over the years. The tips I have provided here, however, are for reference only. If you are dealing with extreme anxiety or other mental health issues, it is best to consult a professional for help! Turn your worries into triumphs.  Good luck! 

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What’s your purpose in life?  What are you naturally good at and what are you passionate about? If you can connect the dots, you have found your formula to a happy life!

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Truly, there is no person who is perfect in every way.  I am not a believer of perfection because there are only 24 hours in a day, so something’s gotta give eventually!  Sadly, with the many social media perceptions that we are constantly bombarded with on a daily basis, many of us are always striving for perfection.  For example, one of my girlfriend’s homes once looked like it was featured in the magazine, Architectural Digest. Her house was beautiful and pristine. If you went to open her refrigerator or a kitchen drawer, both would be perfectly organized and every item would be placed neatly in its designated spot. Unfortunately, this relentless perfection my friend strived for led her to have a mini stroke, which thankfully she has fully recovered from.

We really have to judge ourselves based on the standard of grace rather than perfection.  A Buddhist monk once said to me, “In face of the difficult, face it, accept it, deal with it, embrace it and learn to let it go.”  I think that pretty much summarizes how we can handle life’s challenges with grace.  I can relate to his wisdom quite well, but how I translate this wisdom into my own language and into my own household with two rambunctious boys who are constantly testing my limits, is by telling myself, “I am not perfect, but I tried my best, so give me a break!”

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Here’s a talk that could literally change your life. Which career should I pursue? Should I break up — or get married?! Where should I live? Big decisions like these can be agonizingly difficult. But that’s because we think about them the wrong way, says philosopher Ruth Chang. She offers a powerful new framework for shaping who we truly are.

Ruth Chang
Philosopher
Ruth Chang asks why some choices are so hard — and what that means for the human condition. Full bio

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Three-day weekends are what summer is all about. We need those extra hours for traveling farther, grilling longer and taking in more sunsets. But did you know that the time-honored tradition is also good for your health? Here’s your cheat sheet for convincing your boss to extend the goodness of the three-day weekend all year long:

1. Planning short vacations throughout the year can preserve employee well-being.

Taking short vacations could be the key to workplace happiness, especially if you take them regularly.

Employees who took four- to five-day vacations experienced health and well-being improvements, according to a small study published in the journal Stress and Health in 2011. And you know what makes for a nice four-day vacay? A long weekend and a Friday off.

And while the positive effects faded once the vacation came to a close, researchers found that the more relaxed and psychologically detached from work the participants were during their vacations, the better they felt when they returned.

(A warning to chronic email checkers: Study participants who spent time on work-related activities during their vacation experienced lower levels of health and well-being in the days after they returned home.)

2. Working long hours can be dangerous for your health.

Should you find yourself tied to your desk over the long weekend, know that you aren’t doing your body any favors.

A study published in the medical journal the Lancet in August found that workers who put in 55 hours per week or more had a 33 percent greater risk of stroke and a 13 percent greater risk of heart disease than those who worked a standard 40-hour week.

“It was surprising,” Mika Kivimaki, lead author on the study and a professor of epidemiology at University College London, told The Huffington Post in August. “Previously, we found that long working hours was associated with diabetes, but only among those with low socioeconomic status. In contrast, the association with stroke was seen in all groups.”

We’re chalking that up as a solid reason to call it quitting time.

3. A four-day school week makes kids better learners.

A shortened work week isn’t just beneficial for office workers. Elementary school children who participated in a shortened four-day school week program scored significantly higher in math than those who went to school five days a week, according to a study conducted by Georgia State and Montana State Universities and published in the journal Education, Finance and Policy in July.

“We thought the longer days might give teachers an opportunity to use different kinds of instructional processes,” Mary Beth Walker, dean of the Andrew Young School of Policy Studies at Georgia State said in a statement. “We also speculated that a four-day school week lowered absenteeism, so students who had dentist’s appointments or events might be able to put those off until Friday and not miss school.”

So there you have it. Three-day weekends: Good for happiness, good for learning, good for health. Step away from the computer, go forth and vacation!

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The value of work and how we work and how we become civic beings is embedded in this concept of everyday living. I ask myself, “Why did so many people love the story about the oldest living man from Montana who just recently died?” I don’t think that it was just about longevity, but that he was a railroad man who had practical advice and obvious wisdom. He distilled the complexity of life into practical advice that I believe he formed by working the lines and the farms. I think all of us long to know more about people like that, the quiescent majority.

Reading the following testimony from Mike Rowe, the creator and host of Dirty Jobs, before the U.S. Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation has reignited my urgency to find more of these voices in the months to come. Here’s his speech in its entirety; it’s well worth the time:

“Chairman Rockefeller, Ranking Member Hutchison and members of this committee, my name is Mike Rowe, and I want to thank you all very much for the opportunity to testify before you today.

I’m here today because of my grandfather.

His name was Carl Knobel, and he made his living in Baltimore as a master electrician. He was also a plumber, a mechanic, a mason, and a carpenter. Everyone knew him as a jack-of-all-trades. I knew him as a magician.

For most of his life, my grandfather woke up clean and came home dirty. In between, he accomplished things that were nothing short of miraculous. Some days he might re-shingle a roof. Or rebuild a motor. Or maybe run electricity out to our barn. He helped build the church I went to as a kid, and the farmhouse my brothers and I grew up in. He could fix or build anything, but to my knowledge, he never once read the directions. He just knew how stuff worked.

I remember one Saturday morning when I was 12. I flushed the toilet in the same way I always had. The toilet however, responded in a way that was completely out of character. There was a rumbling sound, followed by a distant gurgle. Then, everything that had gone down reappeared in a rather violent and spectacular fashion.

Naturally, my grandfather was called in to investigate, and within the hour I was invited to join he and my dad in the front yard with picks and shovels.

By lunch, the lawn was littered with fragments of old pipe and mounds of dirt. There was welding and pipe-fitting, blisters and laughter, and maybe some questionable language. By sunset we were completely filthy. But a new pipe was installed, the dirt was back in the hole, and our toilet was back on its best behavior. It was one of my favorite days ever.

Thirty years later in San Francisco when my toilet blew up again. This time, I didn’t participate in the repair process. I just called my landlord, left a check on the kitchen counter, and went to work. When I got home, the mess was cleaned up and the problem was solved. As for the actual plumber who did the work, I never even met him.

It occurred to me that I had become disconnected from a lot of things that used to fascinate me. I no longer thought about where my food came from, or how my electricity worked, or who fixed my pipes, or who made my clothes. There was no reason to. I had become less interested in how things got made, and more interested in how things got bought.

At this point my grandfather was well into his 80s, and after a long visit with him one weekend, I decided to do a TV show in his honor. Today, Dirty Jobs is still on the air, and I am here before this committee, hoping to say something useful. So, here it is.

I believe we need a national PR Campaign for Skilled Labor. A big one. Something that addresses the widening skills gap head on, and reconnects the country with the most important part of our workforce.

Right now, American manufacturing is struggling to fill 200,000 vacant positions. There are 450,000 openings in trades, transportation and utilities. The skills gap is real, and it’s getting wider. In Alabama, a third of all skilled tradesmen are over 55. They’re retiring fast, and no one is there to replace them.

Alabama’s not alone. A few months ago in Atlanta I ran into Tom Vilsack, our Secretary of Agriculture. Tom told me about a governor who was unable to move forward on the construction of a power plant. The reason was telling. It wasn’t a lack of funds. It wasn’t a lack of support. It was a lack of qualified welders.

In general, we’re surprised that high unemployment can exist at the same time as a skilled labor shortage. We shouldn’t be. We’ve pretty much guaranteed it.

In high schools, the vocational arts have all but vanished. We’ve elevated the importance of “higher education” to such a lofty perch that all other forms of knowledge are now labeled “alternative.” Millions of parents and kids see apprenticeships and on-the-job-training opportunities as “vocational consolation prizes,” best suited for those not cut out for a four-year degree. And still, we talk about millions of “shovel ready” jobs for a society that doesn’t encourage people to pick up a shovel.

In a hundred different ways, we have slowly marginalized an entire category of critical professions, reshaping our expectations of a “good job” into something that no longer looks like work. A few years from now, an hour with a good plumber —  if you can find one — is going to cost more than an hour with a good psychiatrist. At which point we’ll all be in need of both.

I came here today because guys like my grandfather are no less important to civilized life than they were 50 years ago. Maybe they’re in short supply because we don’t acknowledge them they way we used to. We leave our check on the kitchen counter, and hope the work gets done. That needs to change.

My written testimony includes the details of several initiatives designed to close the skills gap, all of which I’ve had the privilege to participate in. Go Build Alabama, I Make America, and my own modest efforts through Dirty Jobs and mikeroweWORKS. I’m especially proud to announce “Discover Your Skills,” a broad-based initiative from Discovery Communications that I believe can change perceptions in a meaningful way.

I encourage you to support these efforts, because closing the skills gap doesn’t just benefit future tradesmen and the companies desperate to hire them. It benefits people like me, and anyone else who shares my addiction to paved roads, reliable bridges, heating, air conditioning, and indoor plumbing.

The skills gap is a reflection of what we value. To close the gap, we need to change the way the country feels about work.”

If you have suggestions for voices that could fill this gap in our coverage, please drop me a line in the comments or by sending an email to tgilliss@onbeing.org.

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